Relationships

Have you ever observed people in different environments? Their personality can completely change. Depending on the atmosphere and the people in the room, a person can be the life of the party or a quiet introvert in the corner. We all impact each other with our energy, not necessarily consciously.

There is a group of friends and acquaintances that I’ve observed that I found fascinating. There is one negative person in the bunch. When she walks in all the others shift down a few notches. Everything changes. The others mind you are not timid nor do they lack confidence. It just seems that her mere presence negatively impacts others. The conversation shifts. Everyone seems to get a little “caddy,” taking verbal digs at others.

In contrast there is another one in the group that seems to bring out the best in everyone else. She is authentic, one of my favorite characteristics in a person that seems to be so rare in the general population. This particular one seems to relax the others. The conversations shift to dreams, aspirations or at bare minimum just positive comments about others.

Do you ever ask yourself, which one are you to others?

Do Less. Be More.

I have decided it is time to DO LESS and BE MORE. I am exhausted. The tasks list is too long and the ROI is too little. It is time to cautiously do less so I can be in the moment more and enjoy life. Habitual ways are hard to change. My comfort level is to be very busy and juggle allot. I am not comfortable meandering around life with no plan, no activities and no goals. It is foreign to me, but I have a desire to explore this new world of “less.”

It takes separating yourself from the chaos around you. There will always be tasks to do. There will always people around you that need you in some way or fashion. I find it takes a cautious effort to take time to be alone. To not answer the phone or say no to the many requests.

In order to give your best (the Ordinarily Amazing YOU) in this world, you must first do less and then you will see…you will be more.

 

Awareness, Accountability and Authenticity

These three words say it all for me. It starts with Awareness, being aware of the Ordinarily Amazing gifts in front of you. The opportunity of relationships in all the individuals you interact with every day. The beauty in nature. The joy of living.
Then there is Accountability for your life, owning your choices and consequences and what you bring to the table in your relationships. Your energy causes reactions by others. How are you impacting others? How are you allowing others to impact you?
Last but most importantly are you Authentic to YOU. Being authentic will reward you more than anything else. When that nudge inside you tells you something is not right, it means you are not being true to yourself. Life is too short to waste time being inauthentic.

Limited Thinking Guarantees Limited Results

We are all guilty of putting limits on ourselves and those around us. Very few of us have the capability to imagine more than what is literally in front of us in our daily lives. So our dreams become limited dreams. We dream of improving our lives within the existing scope of our lives. A nicer home in the same general area. A promotion or better salary within the same company or industry. We keep our mindset within the limits of the “norm” or expectation of the general society around us. We very rarely look at any aspect of our lives with the freedom of a blank slate.

In a recent OA workshop, we put an OA twist on life design. First, you start with a blank slate. Then you answer the question,”what feeds my soul?” We usually all start with financial first. In this exercise, it comes last. Assuming your financial reward is the same or better regardless of your choices, how would you spend your time being, doing, living, loving…

You may find your “dreams” are very different than you thought. This exercise appeared to give many of the participants revelations into what truly gives them joy and where their talents lie. It works for answering life’s tough questions that involve your family, career or dear friendships. If an opportunity does fill your soul first there is no amount of money or “pleasing of others” that will make of for the void.

Answer the question “What feeds my soul?” first…then let everything else fall into place.

Dare to Listen

I have always thought it would be a blessing if each person could be blind and deaf for a few days during his early adult life. Darkness would make him appreciate sight; silence would teach him the joys of sound.” Helen Keller

“Listen Cooper. Listen to Mommy, now!”
She was cooking dinner, discussing life stuff such as bills and to-do’s as her toddler was making a loud obnoxious noise with his toy.  She asked him twice. He ignored her twice. The third attempt was with eye contact as she said, “Cooper, listen to Mommy now! I said stop.” She turned to her husband expressing the irritation with their son’s selective listening. He laughed as he reminded her, “aren’t we lucky that we can complain our deaf son isn’t listening to us?”

Cooper had been totally deaf since birth and just received a cochlear implant a few months earlier. He could hear now. He could choose to “not listen” to his Mommy just like every other toddler in the world. It was an OA moment.

The OA Twist – We are given gifts in our life, miracles every day.  Yet in our very busy ordinary routines, we forget the miracles. We lose our gratitude and take the basics for granted. Recognize the extraordinary abilities your body has every day, like seeing and hearing. Listen for the Ordinarily Amazing in your life.

An OA School–Ron Clark Academy

If you haven’t already, you must check out the Ron Clark Academy in Atlanta, GA. Many of you may already know the Ron Clark Story, a movie documenting his Ordinarily Amazing teaching success story in the worst district in Harlem. I have been amazed by this man’s energy, determination and transformation in teaching. What I didn’t know was he moved from Harlem to Atlanta and has built a private school. The Ron Clark Academy is a school I have always dreamt of for my children. It is for 5th-8th grade, focused on teaching the whole child.
They make learning fun but hold the discipline line. They demand excellence from each child. They take them on field trips that apply what they are learning to the real world. What a concept!! They rap Algebra and the name of Presidents so the kids can actually remember the information.
It appears my children are not eligible for the Ron Clark Academy, but I must applaud all that they stand for in the education field. I must applaud their effort and I am thrilled for the 100 plus students that have been given this opportunity. The teachers, leaders and students of Ron Clark Academy are no doubt – Ordinarily Amazing.
Thank you for making a difference for these students. Thank you for getting the attention of public schools and please, please, expand into other schools.
This world needs more Ron Clarks!! Check it out at www.ronclarkacademy.com

Feeling Stuck? You are in a good place

“The squeeze” is a point where we are not able to take it or leave it, where we are caught between a rock and a hard place, caught with both the up-lift of our ideas and the rawness of what’s happening in front of our eyes…and that is a very fruitful place.” Pema Chodron, Buddhist teacher

“The squeeze” can be painful. You may experience pressure coming from all sides, feeling as if you are caught in the middle of nowhere land. You try so hard to figure things out or make things happen only to find yourself feeling “stuck.” We’ve all been there.

Try to think of “the squeeze” as a gift instead of a burden. It is meant to get your attention. It can even bring on intense emotions such as anger, frustration and impatience to encourage change or questions in some aspect of your life.

As human beings we evolve constantly, changing spiritually, emotionally, and physically. In the process, we begin to feel uncomfortable where we once found comfort. We may even outgrow a job, a place or old way of thinking.

Being stuck is not meant to be a destination or a life sentence. It is simply the phase before the next level of progress. So, don’t curse “the squeeze” and whatever you do don’t throw in the towel. You are most likely an inch from breaking through to a higher level of awareness or success. Focus on the life lessons and the paradigm shifts it is offering you.

Keep in mind, you may never know exactly where it is going to take you, but be assured, the view on the other side will be Ordinarily Amazing.

So how do you get “unstuck?” You stop trying so hard and looking for answers from someone else other than yourself. You have all the answers within you. You just have to get quiet enough to find the answers. When something doesn’t feel right most likely it’s not. Always take time to check against your ethical barometer before moving forward.

Another route to getting unstuck is changing your environment or trying something new. Something as simple as getting away for a weekend can offer a very clear perspective.

It is never as bad as it seems

This morning I spoke to my brother for the first time since he has been in Zambia, Africa. Just to hear his voice was such a relief. He left July 21st with his wife and ten children. It was a 22 hour journey from Annapollis, MD to Lusaka, Zambia. All their belongings were in a container that had left two months earlier and would arrive at some point in Zambia. So each with a suitcase and the clothes on their back they left to join the AKCLI with a prayer that all their belongings in the container would actually be there to meet them.

They arrived exhausted to find their “home” was covered with construction trash. There was no electricity and no running water. Did I mention 10 children age 3-18 yrs? It was rough to say the least the first few days. As family members, all we got was a short message on Facebook that said…”It’s rough but we are here and made it safely. Please keep us in your prayers.” Having known my brother for 40 years, he can smile in the worst of conditions so when we saw the words “rough,” we knew it was tough.

It turns out after a few days, things turned from “rough” to great. They are in their home with running water (most of the time) and electricity. The kids are having the time of their lives, playing with the local Zambian children. They are building huts, riding bicycles and playing soccer. The container arrived and was opened with great celebration. Everything was in tact so they not only got their kitchen supplies, toys and clothes but the Zambian children received a wealth of donations. There were numerous bikes, shoes, clothes and books. It was truly Christmas in July!

Keep them in your thoughts and use this as a fabulous Ordinarily Amazing perspective of all of us helping each other. Many would have seen the obstacles as too many or even seen “bad luck” instead of pushing through a few more days, weeks or months to other side where all is good now!

Dare to Make a Difference – Close to Home

“We must not, in trying to think about how we can make a big difference, ignore the small daily differences we can make which, over time, add up to big differences that we often cannot foresee.” Marian Wright Edelman

We see amazing people who make a difference all around us. Take the company Ethos for example. They built a million dollar bottled water company with the single mission to provide clean water to children in third world countries. Inspirational to say the least.

But keep in mind that you can make a difference by doing something closer to home. Start with the ones you love the most. Sometimes they’re the ones we treat the worst. Break the pattern. Twist it around. Tell your parents “thanks”, no matter how old you are. Show your spouse respect. Give your child a break from the daily grind and make sure they know…who they are matters in this world.

Ordinarily Amazing challenges you to start small and watch the chain reaction. You can make a difference in someone’s life today.

We dare you.

An Ordinarily Amazing Summer

We have had the most amazing summer, surrounded by friends and new experiences. We had many visitors including some great old friends that we haven’t seen in years. It always reminds me how much I treasure those high quality relationships in my life. Any time I am in the company of dear friends it is as if we never missed a day. We pick up exactly where we left off regardless if it has been 1 year or 15 years. Those relationships where there is an unspoken trust…a deep trust. You know you are not being judged but just loved. Priceless. I say this in contrast to those relationships where there is the unspoken distrust. We all have both types of relationships…the trusting and the not so trusting. I have always struggled with those I can’t trust. It is not in my natural anatomy to be like that so I just don’t get it. I don’t get why people spend time and energy on how to hurt someone else. It just doesn’t make any sense to me. I witnessed young kids doing it just the other week. It was obvious they had talked about it for weeks, planning and building up lies to team up on another kid. What makes people do these things? It just seems so unnecessary.
It is always odd to me as you interact with someone and you see in front of you a smiling face but you feel a negative underlining energy. You know it is best to not trust this person but for some reason they are in your world…maybe a co-worker, classmate, neighbor or even family member. It is one of those situations where you can’t easily avoid them. So what do you do?
Focus your energy, your schedule and your mind on the good relationships. Those precious trusting relationships where you are able to be yourself and enjoy every moment. When you find yourself in front of the not-so-trusting relationships, stay centered and be yourself. Don’t try to fit in, don’t play their game. Just stay your strong powerful self and let them wrestle with their own issues but not drag you down. Stand up for your beliefs and don’t ever give them your power…they just don’t deserve it. Stay whole.